Wednesday, August 30, 2006

I am dancing, dancing, dancing!

I just reviewed my "unofficial" transcript from Ferris - it looks like my MCC credits have been automatically transferred! That is how it should be, when one is a consortium / dual-enrolled student, but I didn't think it would be so simple. Not only does this save me the $3 fee (hey, 3 bucks is 3 bucks), but I owe some money to Mott and they won't give you your transcript till you pay up. I have every intention of paying back the money, but this will allow me to take the 2 CLEP tests, get my degree, and then get a job and be able to get the money. I only owe about $800 but with only one person working, that can be a lot, if you know what I mean!

Ray hasn't been working 80 hrs every pay period, so even though we should be better off, considering we live at home with my MOTHER, we aren't. :( I just had to pay a $101 ticket (his, not mine!) and our storage unit fee. It's not so much that we spend the money - mostly the check goes for gasoline for the car. Go figure. :P

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

What a weekend - Brendan & I went camping at Rifle River Recreation Area in Lupton with friends / family. Fun was had - but Saturday's weather left something to be desired! There was rain, and then some more rain. My tent leaked - I had to throw everything into Brendan's pack & play to keep it from getting soaked. Needless to say, we ended up sleeping in the car that night - which in a way was more comfortable. Go figure! :) LOL

I am glad to be home, however. I am tired of being around people that cannot take care of their own children simply because they are LAZY. I don't care if you are pregnant - you got yourself that way - and you still have 3 other kids to take care of! Person that I am speaking of didn't take kids to play at all, didn't feed baby except once and got pissy when told her kids needed to be taken to the bathroom. If you didn't want step-kids to take care of, you shouldn't have hooked up w/ a man with kids. It's as simple as that.

On another note, major drama happening in the family involving sister-in-law and baby. She is a psychotic bitch and I hope she goes to prison. More details later, after I find out what is going on - but take my word for it - it was very very bad - like 11'o clock news material bad!

Still trying to find a job. There is an article today in the Free Press about the earning potential inMichigan decreasing dramatically the last 5 years. No kidding. Bet some guy with a PhD spent a lot of money to study that one and figure it out. You think maybe it could be related to our nation-wide high 7% unemployment rate? I bet that is also connected to the fact that Michigan currently leads the nation in home foreclosures. Well, at least now I don't feel so bad about losing my house. Apparently I was not alone in that club.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I got my birthday present a couple of days early!

Okay, I know they have been around for a while, but I just got my first one and I am excited - so don't rain on my parade, damn it!!

I got an MP3 player for my birthday - complete w/ an FM transmitter, for use in my car that has the worlds crappiest radio! :) This is so much easier than getting a cd player installed in the car.

I am currently ripping songs off of my cd's to put onto my MP3 player. I have to dig out my blank cds so that I can save them as "compilations" and not clog up my hard drive space. Granted, I seriously doubt that it will have much of an effect, but still, why keep things on the hard drive that I wouldn't use?

Ray & Brendan are watching a movie about farms. Brendan LOVES tractors! He is in awe whenever the neighbor mows his hay field. Just stands and stares - it's too funny because as anyone who knows Brendan can tell you, he is always on the move!

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Well, after my last post I went and had a talk with my husband. Talked about some of the things that have been weighing on my mind lately. He has been definitely trying the last couple of days, so that is definitely a positive step in the right direction.

Last night Brendan stayed with Ray's Dad & Michelle for the first time. He should be home anytime now. I hope that it went well. He was overtired and we had forgotten a pacifier, so I'm a little nervous. :( Actually, we did not forget it - when we went over there it was not with the intention of having the little man stay the night.

I am so ready to throw away the pacifier but I'm not brave enough :( I am a weakling!

Today has been so humid - like 80%. Sucks!

Oh yeah - new (well, really they are old but new to look at) pics on flickr!

Friday, August 18, 2006

Dear God -

I am in need of Your presence and Grace. I ask that You be with me and help me to stay strong in this stressful time. I do not know where the path that You have chosen for me with lead, but I need Your help to stay on the straight path. Right now my mind is filled with doubt, but my heart knows that You will guide me. Please keep my family safe, and help Ray and I learn patience and understanding. Please watch over Brendan.

I ask this is Jesus' name.

Just spent a couple of days in East Tawas - had to get away for a bit. This week was really crappy at the beginning - someone stole Ray's canoe right out of the damn yard. Then, his "unbreakable" fishing pole breaks. To a fisherman, these are the things a true tragedy is made of. We still haven't heard back from the state, and I am still having these uneasy horrid nightmares of living at my Mom's forever because there are no damn jobs. According to today's paper, the state unemployment rate is now 7%. WTF and I wonder why I have bill collectors calling me EVERY SINGLE DAY???

I did not ask for this. I have applied for jobs. My husband has a college degree. I am 2 classes shy of having mine. We are not idiots, we are not lazy. I have experience in many fields and I learn quickly. What the fuck is the problem? Excuse my language; my frustration level is just boiling over right now. :( Self-pity is an ugly temptress!

I keep reminding myself that this is going to work out someway, somehow, but I think I am beginning to ignore myself (as if talking to yourself weren't bad enough!!)....

I feel really bad but sometimes I seriously hate being married. It's not my husband - well, he annoys the crap out of me at times but I don't hate him - but sometimes I just get so overwhelmed and I can't function. I don't want to deal with it. I don't know how. I try to tell my husband when something is bugging me and I have made serious efforts to change my delivery (i.e. not bitching), but I swear that sometimes it feels like he just ignores me. Or, he will look right at me and then 5 minutes later say he didn't hear me. It drives me crazy.

I am talking about things like asking him *to his face* to do something for me and then later when asking him why he didn't do it - "you didn't ask me that" or "I didn't hear you say that". I have told him more than once lately that hearing and listening are two fundamentally different skills that are generally best if used in tandem. I am pretty much at my wit's end about it. I really have to force myself not to go in to complete bitch overdrive mode. I just want to scream at him and make him feel as badly as I am mad. Of course, then there is the topic of somehow being completely incapable of doing 2 things at once, usually involving something with Brendan. "I'm watching Brendan, I can't do that" .... the skill of multi-tasking evades him on all levels. Unless, of course, it's watching one sport on TV while listening to another on the radio. We won't even go there.

My husband is not a bad person, nor is he just chock full of all bad qualities - but lately these things have been driving me batty and I just need to vent about them ....

It stresses me out so much that just typing this post is making me cry because I love him but at the same time I hate him for making me feel like I have to be a bitch.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Just another day in paradise. Played with Brendan most of the day, did a little bit of cleaning. I have to contact my insurance company soon - I am curious how long it will take the repo man to come snag my van. We have decided that at this point we really can't afford it - not only the payment, but the insurance, gas, and some repairs. Thus far the back door won't open, the wiper on the back window doesn't work, it's leaking coolant, and the power locks died. That, tied in with the 130,000 and 4 yrs left on the loan - thanks, but no thanks. :( Sad, because I love the room of the van - and only having one car will greatly suck at times - but I keep reminding myself that this is all temporary! Plus, if we move through w/ the bankruptcy and then the car dies, where the hell are we going to get another one? We'd be stuck tacking it on to a new one - which isn't too bad normally, but obviously at that point the interest rate on the loan will seriously blow.

We still have the Blazer and if we could get a new transmission on that, it would work for just using in case of emergency. I love driving the Blazer but it sucks on gas really bad!

So right now I don't know how long I should wait to change the insurance - because we have bill due and it would be significantly less w/o that van....grrr...what to do, what to do. :P

You know - I really never would have guessed that things would get this bad - but I do know that I have been through some pretty crappy times financially and always managed to survive. That is what I am reminding myself - and I do know that my family is more important to me that the material items, and thank God that we are all healthy. Above all - thank you Lord for my beautiful son. He tries my patience at times, but I love him dearly and I am very much enjoying watching him blossom into a little man.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

One more thing - I uploaded some new pictures
This was a good week - went by fairly quickly. Reached a decision on one of the jobs that Ray had been offered. Turned it down because they lowered the "offer" they made him. They weren't offering enough in the first place, but it had serious potential and a great schedule. However, they lowered their offer based on Ray's driving record - an accident two years ago - so the "potential" was not going to be there, either. Definitely not worth it.

My aunt called today with a job lead in her area that is more than he makes now - submitted the resume for that one. I really hope that one falls into place because we already have a potential house to rent and the dogs wouldn't be a problem....

Still haven't heard anything from the state; I guess that we are probably just being antsy but man something has to fall into place.

Brendan is 19 months old today. We took him to the fireworks Thursday - at first he was crying and scared, but then he got used to them and was saying "Wow!". The fireworks in Millington were so awesome this year - and they were so much better than the ones that we saw in Tawas City on 4th of July this year.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Well, here it is Sunday and all. What am I doing? Nothing much - puttering around on MySpace. I had never really used it before yesterday. Am I out of the loop or what?!

Things are good here, I guess. Two freaking days after payday and all I can think about is how broke we are - and Ray only gets paid every 2 weeks. Momma needs a job - that is all I know! I hate this - hate it more than words can say! I am praying that Ray hears something back this week because I am to the point that I am ready to escape this state and all of it's employment (or lack thereof) woes. :P

We have seriously discussed moving out of state - simply because other states seem to have jobs - why is it such a challenge for Michigan????

Little bambino is settling in for his nap - must shower now before he changes his mind. Timing / time management skills are crucial when an 18 mo. old is involved. :)

Friday, August 04, 2006

Some quirky quiz at

(Okay, so I have a pathetic idea about how to spend a Friday evening - get over it!)

What's Your Secret Talent?

RESULT: Flying

Your (secretly) mutated bird-like bone structure lets you fly the skies even if you don’t have a boarding pass.

It’s true – you’re Superman (minus the superhuman strength and dorky alter ego, of course). You could jump up right now and never land. Do us a favor, though, and don’t test it out right away. In fact, better just avoid open windows altogether. Just in case there was a computer error and you got the wrong quiz result. (Cough, cough.)
Today was a fairly good day - nothing too dramatic going on. Went to the doctor's office with my Mom and argued with them about an outstanding bill that they have for Brendan. It's all the result of Medicaid saying Brendan had BC - which he did not - months of arguing and two different certificates of coverage from BC stating when his coverage had terminated. Long story short - the bill was rejected in MAY by Medicaid - they bitch at me everytime I go into the office - so I get it taken care of - still get a bill in the mail. Today they tell me all the things I have to do..and I say, well, I did all of that - when was the last time you billed it? Hmm. Hasn't been rebilled since MAY when I was in there last. F-ing annoys me. I really really like my doctor and have gone there forever, and for that he should be grateful, because if I didn't, my ass would be out of there because the office staff is shitty as can be.

Needless to say, I told them #1 - you need to rebill the shit because Brendan did NOT have BC on the date of service but DID have Medicaid, and #2 I am not paying a $72 bill out of my pocket because they don't do shit right.

Did I mention that I took brendan to the ER in June for a 102 temp and had the SAME insurance situation and magically they got paid by Medicaid because they billed BC first, got the rejection and then subsequently billed Medicaid...

Oh yeah - and the real pisser? I get a statement from BC everytime they get billed for something - I have never received one for the date of service in question - which tells me they never got billed ....

I hate it when people don't know how to do their damn jobs. What is more annoying is that had I not worked for a psychological office (medical billing there), I wouldn't really have the knowledge of how all this worked and would have probably needlessly paid it out of my pocket!!!

I am not trying to abuse Medicaid, my son does and did have it, and obviously if I had $72 to throw to the doctor I probably wouldn't have medicaid!!!!


Okay, venting time is over. Thank you for your attention! :)
You are a Brainy Girl!

Whether you're an official student or a casual learner, you enjoy hitting the books.
You know a little bit about everything, and you're always dying to know more.
For a guy to win your heart, he's got to share some of your intellectual interests.
A awesome book collection of his own doesn't hurt either!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Ahhh..yet another huge gap in posts on my lovely blog. I must say that I am just as bad at keeping journals of the written type. I guess I'm just not destined to be a writer.

Right now it is a balmy 89 degrees. The heat index is 96 degrees....such a nice, sticky week we are having here in Michigan! We even stooped to putting the room air conditioner in today - I couldn't take it anymore. Days like this and I really really really miss our house in Flint with it's central air. Once again thinking to myself, "I never should have sold that place". I have only said that to myself approximately 9,000 times over the past 2 1/2 years. I am really not exaggerating about that number, either.

As they say, hindsight is 20/20. We are officially out of our house in Caro, with all of the drama that went with that. So many things have changed in the past couple of years, and I'm not just talking about having a baby.

The biggest obviously, is that we lost our house. Very depressing, but one can recover from it. The second-largest is that Ray's step-brother has gotten into a lot of legal trouble. That is also sad/depressing, and unfortunately it will follow him for the rest of his life. I do believe that he should write a book about it and warn all men about psycho women who use their children as tools of manipulation. Granted, I know not all women are like that, but his woman definitely was (and is). He's in jail and she is still using their child to manipulate both him and my in-laws. I don't think they would go for it, other than there is a definite issue of concern regarding the baby's safety. The baby momma is a definite nutcase and rumored to be a drug abusing prostitute.

There is such drama on my side of the family, too, although it is a little further removed. My sibling has no offspring, although he is currently in rehab. I am very happy about that, though, because it is a definite step in the right direction on the road to recovery! My family drama involves a couple of cousins - but unfortunately, again, there are children involved.

Why is it SO hard for people to NOT get pregnant if they can't / won't take care of the results of their sexual endeavors???

I am once again seeking employment, but I'm kind of in an odd position. Ray has had a couple of interviews in the last few weeks, the most recent one being with the state!! However, since that position is obviously the most desirable, and it would require moving (which I am more than willing to do), do I wait to apply for jobs? How long do we wait? Those are the thoughts that are running through my mind. I'm thinking of just applying for some sort of retail job, just to make a few extra bucks. That would be a nice thing...more than chump change in the savings account. Plus I still have to file for bankruptcy. Pretty bad when you can't even afford that. LOL